Why do people let the good stuff get ruined? Why do people listen to what other people say?

Why when it comes down to it are we all shit and could care less about the other people; particularly the lower people; even those even just one rung lower than us? especiallly those one rung lower?

Why do we have to be better? wHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST BE WORSE?

I wonder sometimes will this all just end. Will someone be a shit to be and then get hit by a bus, or angels starts diving down from the sky at mach 20 and start burning them and picking us up (OR will it be burn me and pick them up?)...

I'm getting pretty tired of getting kicked around, stepped on, talked down to, taken advantage of, not being given to, having been taken from.

read earthsucks. or is it thisplacesucks? i forget.

someone turned me on to that and i wish he hadn't dammit. just more gawddamn fodder for the gawddamn six shooter sitting here on my desk.

i think i'm going to go visit my friends. i can never remember their names but i remember Airecs. i love his name. and he's the only person i know who's equally psycho as me. he could be me for all i know.

anyway, please, please, i'm begging you. please continue to treat me like shit. i deserve it anyway. please continue to hate me. please continue to discourage me. please continue to look down at me. please continue to cheat me. please continue to ...

no i'm not a SM.

i'm just used to it. a dramatic change to something other than all that might startle my system too much.

this is the part where I say the f-work repeatedly. fuck, fuck, fuck, etc. it’s supposed to be the part where I rise above the circumstances of my imminent death, I have a moment of clarity, all the pieces fall together, I’m given a glimpse of the big plan, I feel ultimately connected to a greater power. But it’s not. fuck, etc.