johnny citizen

2007-01-06T02:01:00.000Z

So I recorded a record last year. And I'm going to claim it as my own.

2006-07-29T03:55:00.000Z

God Answers Prayers Of Paralyzed Little Boy | The Onion - America's Finest News Source:

SAN FRANCISCO–For as long as he can remember, 7-year-old Timmy Yu has had one precious dream: From the bottom of his heart, he has hoped against hope that God would someday hear his prayer to walk again. Though many thought Timmy's heavenly plea would never be answered, his dream finally came true Monday, when the Lord personally responded to the wheelchair-bound boy's prayer with a resounding no.

2006-07-27T13:33:00.000Z

March Together For Life: Murder without conscience:

Here are some quotes from a pro-abortion person, Miss Caroline Weber, who wrote an article at The Onion online magazine.

The Onion Article

When referring to the killing of her child she said:
"I am totally psyched for this abortion!"

"Those pro-life activists made it pretty clear that, unlike me, they actually think abortion is bad and to be avoided. Are they nuts? Abortion is the best!"

"It wasn't until now that I was lucky enough to be pregnant with a child I had no means to support."

"I just know it's going to be the best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!"
Who does Miss Weber blame her abortion on? The pro-life movement.
"The funny thing is, I actually have the pro-life movement to thank for this opportunity."
It's our fault? She says:
"If my HMO wouldn't have bowed to their pressure not to cover oral contraceptives, I never would've gotten pregnant in the first place."
Sorry ma'am, if you hadn't had sex you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, it's not the HMO's fault for not supporting your promiscuity while not married.

To sum it up, Miss Weber said:
"I realize there are people who will criticize me, calling me selfish and immature because I took "the easy way out." I realize there are those who will condemn me to hell for what I'm about to do. Well, I don't care what they say: It's worth it for all the fun and laughs I'm going to have at the clinic. So listen up, world: I'm pro-abortion... and I love it! See you at my post-abortion party, everybody!"
Miss Weber, you have killed your child, which you admit is a baby/human being, intentionally. That does make you an admitted murderer. I'm not going to "condemn you to hell", I'm going to pray for your forgiveness and for the suffering which you will endure when you realize what you have done. Every baby you see from that moment on is going to wake you up to the realization that you killed your child.

Speak out against abortion. Don't just complain about it. Join the Monthly Call for Life at MonthlyCallForLife.com. We call, email and/or march to let our representatives know that we will not stop until they stop the killing of innocent human beings!

MonthlyCallForLife.com

United we stand - Divided they die - Pass it on

2006-07-21T18:03:00.000Z

MADISON, Wisconsin (AP) -- A man convicted of keeping his dead mother in a freezer for years so he could keep collecting her pension checks avoided federal prison during his sentencing.

A judge on Wednesday ordered Philip Schuth, 53, to serve four months simultaneously with the state prison sentence he is already serving and to repay about $35,000 he stole from the federal government.

Schuth pleaded guilty in April to a federal count of misusing a Social Security government identification number.

He is serving a seven-year sentence as the result of a standoff with police last year at his home on French Island, just outside La Crosse. It was during the standoff that officers found the frozen body.

Smuth told investigators she died of natural causes in 2000, but he hid the body because he didn't want to be blamed for her death and wanted to keep collecting her Social Security pension checks.

U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb on Wednesday also ordered Schuth to spend four months in a halfway house after his release from prison.

Schuth's attorney, Mike Lieberman, said most of the money has been repaid after police found about $10,000 in his client's house and $24,000 in his bank account.

2006-06-06T02:42:00.000Z

Boing Boing: Praying woman struck by lightning

On Memorial Day weekend, Clara Jean brown of Baldwin County, Alabama, prayed to the lord to protect her family from a storm in the area. Seemed like a good idea, until she said 'Amen' and was struck by a bolt of lightning. From Associated Press:

The 65-year-old Brown said she is blessed to be alive.

Firefighters said its likely she was hit by a bolt of lightning that apparently struck outside and traveled into the house...

A family member said he will no longer assume it is safe to be indoors during a lightning strike.

The safety of praying is now up for debate though.

2006-04-25T13:26:00.000Z

Nothing works.

Let's revise the old buddhist saying: Life is suffering, then you kill yourself.

2006-04-25T13:21:00.000Z

Let's see; what's stopping me from killing myself. Let's make a list.

Ok, that didn't work so well. I don't really know what the difference would be right now. I live every day dead. Dead dead dead. I'm just going through the motions. I have no passion. No one to share with. I don't care about tomorrow. Yesterday is just like this big ugly mud puddle of mistakes someone else made.

2006-03-20T13:00:00.000Z

I have to do something different, but I don’t know what. It may be everything or it may be something small that changes everything. I remember standing in the room where the coats were, debating what to do. Change is pressed upon one. That was her translation from the French. The question was about change, about whether change is possible, and she quoted this from the French. When she arrived, she smiled and waved to me. Had she come over and talked, I would have welcomed it, but since she didn’t, I stayed where I was. It wasn’t a game. I was sitting on the couch, and there was room to my left, although in fairness to her, there were also some pillows there, which she would have had to move aside. Later, as people took their seats at the table, I saw an open seat beside her and almost sat down but instead went to the kitchen to get my potatoes. By the time I finished transferring the potatoes to a serving dish and placing the dish on a side table, the seat was taken. Each thing has its momentum. In the room with the coats I decided she wasn’t who I wanted, and vice versa, and that I would leave. I may have been wrong, but one must decide based on what one knows. You cannot divide yourself into two people and live two lives to see which is better. There is another world, she said, again quoting the French, evidently she spoke French, but it is in this one. oblivio

2006-01-07T19:06:00.000Z

MAN DATES GAL ON INTERNET FOR SIX MONTHS -- AND IT TURNS OUT SHE'S HIS MOTHER!

MARSEILLES, France -- Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!

"I walked out on that dark beach thinking I was going to hook up with the girl of my dreams," the rattled bachelor later admitted. "And there she was, wearing white shorts and a pink tank top, just like she'd said she would.

"But when I got close, she turned around -- and we both got the shock of our lives. I mean, I didn't know what to say. All I could think was, 'Oh my God! it's Mama!' "

But the worst was yet to come. Just as the mortified mother and son realized the error of their ways, a patrolman passed by and cited them for visiting a restricted beach after dark.

"Danny and I were so flustered, we blurted out the whole story to the cop," recalled matronly mom Nicole, 52. "The policeman wrote a report, a local TV station got hold of it -- and the next thing we knew, our picture and our story was all over the 6 o'clock news. "People started pointing and laughing at us on the street -- and they haven't stopped laughing since."

The girl-crazy X-ray technician said he began flirting with normally straitlaced Nicole -- who lives six miles away in a Marseilles suburb -- while scouring the Internet for young ladies to put a little pizzazz in his life.

"Mom called herself Sweet Juliette and I called myself The Prince of Pleasure, and unfortunately, neither one of us had any idea who the other was," said flabbergasted Daniel.

"The conversations even got a little racy a couple of times.

"But I really started to fall for her, because there seemed to be a sensitive side that you don't see in many girls.

"She sent me poems she had written and told me about her dreams and desires, and it was really very romantic.

"The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I'd never seen before. I'm grateful for that."

When starry-eyed Daniel asked Sweet Juliette to send him a picture, Nicole e-mailed him a photo of a curvy, half-clad cutie she'd scanned from a men's magazine.

"The girl in the picture was so beautiful, I begged Juliette to meet me on the beach -- and Mom said yes," he recalled. "Mom says she was falling for me, too, and she just wanted to meet me, even though she knew I'd be disappointed when I saw her.

"As for me, I figured I was going to find the girl of my dreams.

"I guess that's about as wrong as I've ever been."

Daniel admits he and his mother could do little but stammer and stutter around each other for days after their cyberspace exploits came to light. And his father Paul -- Nicole's husband of 27 years -- wasn't too happy when the story hit the news and his beer-drinking buddies made him the butt of their jokes.

"Dad was ticked for a while and he forbid Mom to talk to anybody on the Internet ever again," said embarrassed Daniel.

2006-01-06T04:25:00.000Z

US evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine retribution for "dividing God's land" of Israel, igniting his latest trademark controversy.

As the Israeli prime minister battled for life, Robertson seemed to suggest to viewers on his "700 Club" television show that Sharon was being punished for his policies in Gaza and the West Bank.

"The prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who, quote, 'divide my land.' God considers this land to be his.

"You read the Bible, he says, 'This is my land.' And for any prime minister of Israel who decides he's going carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No. This is mine.'"

Robertson, who frequently provokes outrage with his remarks, said he was "sad" to see Sharon fall sick, and that he was a "very likeable person."

"I prayed with him personally. But here he is at the point of death. He was dividing God's land, and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU, the United Nations or the United States of America."

BREITBART.COM - US Christian broadcaster says Sharon's stroke divine retribution

2006-01-06T02:42:00.000Z

"They were looking for things to do," Det. Ken Kelly said. "They told us, `We were going to have a baby Jesus burning party.'" One suspect told detectives, "We just wanted to see their heads burning," Kelly said.

The baby Jesus figures, now at the police station, were probably stolen from homes and churches around the Sayreville area within the past few weeks, officers said. "It looked like a maternity ward," Lt. Glenn Skarzynski said of the figurines. He added, "Anyone able to identify their particular baby Jesus will be able to be reunited."

2006-01-03T05:05:00.000Z

oink

2005-12-09T04:42:00.000Z

A cat in Oklahoma City survived being closed in a refrigerator for four weeks without food or water, according to a Local 6 News report.

Tyce Honer, 4, said he forgot he had put Louis the 10-pound cat in a refrigerator in the family's barn to keep it safe.

When the cat was missing, the family feared it may have been eaten by coyotes.

However, four weeks after the cat disappeared, the boy's father decided to clean out the appliance and found the cat weighing only 3 pounds.

local6.com - News - Cat Survives 4 Weeks In Refrigerator

2005-11-21T06:01:00.000Z

A police spokesman said: "The law doesn't say you can't make love on the bonnet of a police car."

2005-11-21T05:53:00.000Z

Kinky shopper KOed by vibrating knickers

2005-11-01T05:00:00.000Z

please do laugh when i die

2005-11-01T04:59:00.000Z

Pastor Electrocuted in Baptismal

oh that was just too good not to post

2005-10-30T15:57:00.000Z

Woman found hanged on tree

A 42-year-old Frederica woman apparently climbed up a tree with a length of rope and hanged herself from a branch after 9 p.m. Tuesday, Delaware State Police said Wednesday.

The body, suspended from a branch about 15 feet above the ground, was easily visible from passing vehicles before the scene was blocked off about 11 a.m. Wednesday.

Authorities were not alerted earlier because passers-by thought it was a Halloween display.

2005-10-29T23:07:00.000Z

eathufu.com

-- The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative!

2005-10-09T18:28:00.000Z

Accused Nude Burglar Asks for Shorts

A man accused of trying to burglarize a home while naked Tuesday stopped in mid-escape to ask the victim for a pair of shorts, a sheriff's spokeswoman said.

The victim threw the shorts to the accused burglar, who then fled, said Susan Quayle, a spokeswoman for the Yavapai County Sheriff's Department

2005-10-06T23:34:00.000Z

City Pages - The Sins of the Father

When Father Ryan Erickson celebrated Mass at St. Patrick's Church in Hudson, Wisconsin, the show was on and he was the star.

As he put it in an e-mail to his congregants, he liked his rituals "rich and mysterious"--a stark change from the "orgy of handshaking and hugs" to which they had become accustomed. The way Erickson hoisted the host over his head and held it aloft for a minute or more made a vivid contrast to the perfunctory elevation that the senior priests favored. Tears rolled down his cheeks during the ceremony. The monk's cassock he affected billowed theatrically, hiding the bulge at his waist from the pistol he always packed there.

...On February 5, 2002, O'Connell and his 22-year-old intern James Ellison were shot to death in O'Connell's office. The crime shocked the community because murders are so unusual in Hudson, and because one of the victims was such a prominent person.

The police had no real suspects three days later, when O'Connell's funeral was held at St. Patrick's. Among the priests taking part in the ceremony was Father Ryan, dressed in simple white vestments and behaving with uncharacteristic restraint. He said a quiet homily.

...For two years, the questions continued. This week, at last, St. Croix County Attorney Eric Johnson is presenting evidence connecting Father Ryan to the murders. Johnson will offer an explanation for what Erickson and O'Connell were talking about in the minutes before the murder. And he will confirm what has long been whispered by Erickson's harshest critics: that the crusading sexual moralist had been engaging in the same crimes against children that have devastated the Catholic church in recent years.

Father Ryan won't answer those charges. On December 19, 2004, he hung himself in the hallway of the church where he'd been reassigned, St. Mary's of the Seven Dolors, in Hurley, Wisconsin. His suicide came the day after investigators executed a search warrant on his living quarters, looking for evidence that would connect him to the murders. What they discovered, according to a front-page Pioneer Press article, is child pornography on his computer, some of it involving bondage.

2005-10-06T20:15:00.000Z

Fight for survival
By Toby Harnden
(Filed: 18/09/2005)

A pair of marauding pit bulls emerged from the edge of the bayou beyond New Orleans as the floods receded. Bred as fighting animals, their bloodlust had been sharpened by starvation. The dogs, which were wearing collars, had survived for more than two weeks but food was scarce.

They stalked towards their prey, a lone bull: a massive beast more than 10 times their combined weight. Like a wrestling tag team, the bitch and the dog attacked with awesome ferocity, leaping at the bull's head and latching on to its muzzle.

The stricken bull repeatedly shook the dogs off, flinging them up to 15 feet in the air. But they took turns to keep up the attack, exhausting the bull which was by now smeared with blood. Even after the bull trampled the bitch, leaving it dazed, the dog stepped up its attack.

The terrifying assault highlighted the US military's concern that pit bulls would form packs and could attack or even kill soldiers.

It was too dangerous for an unarmed witness to intervene but The Sunday Telegraph flagged down a National Guard truck. Seeing what was happening, a soldier shot the bitch in the head.

The dog paused before resuming the attack. It took two bullets to stop it dead.

2005-10-02T20:43:00.000Z

http://www.myscienceproject.org/

2005-10-02T20:27:00.000Z

Sentencing for a Colorado woman who had sex with high school boys has been postponed. She's been hurt in an auto accident that could land her in even bigger trouble.

Police say she was a passenger in an SUV being driven by a 14-year-old girl.

...Johnson has pleaded guilty to sexual assault and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Police say she held parties for teen-age boys for a year, gave drugs to eight and had sex with five. She told police she wanted to be known as a "cool mom."

Johnson could now be charged with allowing an under-age driver to take the wheel.

#

2005-10-02T20:18:00.000Z

old now, but this is right up my kind of bunghole

2005-10-02T20:13:00.000Z

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatulence
and see also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Professional_farter
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_humour
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lighting_farts

all gripping reading.

Flatulence ignition or "fart lighting" is the practice of setting fire to the gasses produced by flatulence. It is practised primarily among young men, but discouraged for its potential for causing injury. Lighting such gas can result in burns or explosions. Clothing or hair may catch fire and sensitive tissues can be damaged.

Such experiments may occur among young men on camping trips or in single-sex group residences such as dormitories or fraternity houses, but the flammability of bodily gases has caused serious problems in the operating room and also in slaughterhouses.

At least one patient is known to have exploded while undergoing cauterization of a rectal polyp. An electric spark ignited the patient's intestinal gases, resulting in a six-inch (15-cm) hole in the patient's large intestine. However, this was sewn up, and the patient recovered [1].

2005-09-30T16:11:00.000Z

Foetuses found at Bogota airport

Colombian police have found the bodies of three human foetuses hidden in statues destined for the United States.

The discovery was made by officers searching for contraband at Bogota Airport on Tuesday.

The corpses were wrapped in plastic and concealed inside statues of Christian icons, which were smashed open.

2005-09-26T04:42:00.000Z

rapture index

2005-09-14T02:10:00.000Z

Nasty, Nasty Clients!
“The customer is always ~~right~~ stinky”, with such gems as

once had a client who I’m pretty sure had several untreated STDs. I was doing a Prince Albert jewelry change and was turned around to open my packages and heard him get up. I heard a bunch of shuffling and from the corner of my eye I could see him trying to quickly peel all of the dead flaky skin off of his penis. I told him that I had to get something from the hall and quickly left the room. In the hall I put on a medical mask and came back into the room again after washing my hands. All I can remember is this disgusting penis covered in open sores and flaky dead skin and trying my damnedest not to throw up. I quickly changed the jewelry for him and let him leave. I spent the next thirty minutes disinfecting the bed over and over.

the worst hygiene problem I’ve encountered was a session during a hood piercing. Once she was on the table and went to go spread her legs, I got a blast of a smell that nearly floored me, but the visual was the worst part. This stringy white and yellow shit was all over her cooter, and as she spread her legs, it stretched like a spider web. It was nasty. Stinky crotch goo.

It's like a train wreck. you can't stop reading. you kinda feel like you have to take a shower after reading these. more better in a minute...

“The customer is always ~~right~~ perverted”

I was piercing a PA on an unusually quiet man and was ready to clean his skin with Technicare. I did so in my normal fashion and he got an erection, but that can be fairly common, and I turned around to my stand to open the sterile packages and get ready to mark and do the piercing when I heard an “UUGGHHHH...” I turned around to see that he had jerked himself off onto my piercing room floor... in, like, five seconds... I was just starting out in my piercing career, so I think all I could say was, “um, you’re going to have to come back another day and get pierced by (male piercer).”

After performing a genital piercing, my usual M.O. is to clean up my tray turned somewhat away from the client while they’re getting dressed, to give them some privacy. Once I turned back towards my male client to find him furiously jacking off. When I exclaimed that he couldn’t do that here, he remarked calmly that he just wanted to “make sure it still worked!”

“The customer is always ~~right~~ suicidal”

I had a regular client that had been in jail for a week. She had held all 40+ piercings open with little bits of comb that she had inserted and burnt the ends with a lighter to melt them and keep them in. This includes genital piercings. I reinserted all of her jewelry for her, having to cut out the bits of plastic comb while she told me tales of sharing needles, gang rape, and other biohazardous activities. When I went home that night, I showered with Betadine from head to toe. Seriously.

I had a client come in with PA problems. He said it was really irritated and that the aftercare was extremely embarrassing. When asked what was he was doing, he told me he had other people urinating on his piercing. He had read that urine was sterile and flushed out the piercing... but he didn’t realize that it’s his own urine, not other people’s.

2005-09-13T01:53:00.000Z

Barking man bites Louisiana mail carrier

HOUMA, La. — A mail carrier wasn't worried when he heard barking. The man had already made sure the pooch in the yard he was about to deliver to was chained up.

It wasn't the barking dog that got him, it was a barking man, police said.

Mark D. Plumb, 20, of Butler, Mo., was arrested and charged with simple battery Wednesday after he ran barking from a house and bit the letter carrier on the shoulder, Houma Police spokesman Lt. Todd Duplantis said.

Plumb said he bit the carrier as a joke and has no history of criminal activity or mental illness, police said.

2005-09-13T01:52:00.000Z

Man charged with putting urine in coffee

Postal workers who thought their coffee tasted funny had their suspicions confirmed after they set up a video camera in their break room.

Now, a colleague has been charged with putting urine in their coffee after he was caught in the act on tape, officials said.

Thomas Shaheen, 49, a vehicle mechanic for the U.S. Postal Service, was charged Aug. 5 with two misdemeanor counts of adulteration of food or placing harmful objects in food. He has been ordered to appear in Municipal Court on Monday.

2005-09-04T19:00:00.000Z

The News Blog: We told you so:

...Well, motherfuckers, the alligators are feasting on dead nigger and there isn't an Iraqi in sight. And Bush is trying to gladhand his way through a mess which has stunned FOX reporters. I mean, Shepard Smith is calling Fox's talking heads liars ON THE AIR.

CNN rips Bush in print and online after nearly five years of sleep.

Instead of hearing what we had to say about Bush, you called John Kerry a coward, mocked Max Cleland, blamed everything but herpes on Bill Clinton. You enabled Bush into this mess and now you're shocked?

Now, Fox can be outraged, now, Wash Times and Union Leader call Bush weak? Well, his coward ass disappeared in 2001. But you rather blame Michael Moore for that.

He can't even explain the Iraq war to a grieving mother.

So what did you do?

Write the most vile things about her and her dead son. Attacked her patriotism and her honesty.

Well, motherfuckers, and that means you, fat ass Goldberg and your master, Rich Lowry, PNAC Bitch Beinart, the racist wannabe white Malkin and the little fucktards at LGF, Bareback Andy and "Diversity" Instacracker, all you backstabbing, fag hating uncle tom ministers, you can see Dear Leader in action. America's largest port is gone, maybe forever, gas is $5+ a gallon and FEMA is coming. Whores come faster with old men than FEMA is getting to NOLA.

How did your wartime President react? Like Chiang Kai-Shek when the Yellow River flooded in 1944, with corrupt indifference.

Bush, the man your fever dreams built into the next Winston Churchill when he is really the live action Chauncey Gardiner, has failed to everyone, in plain sight, without question. Rick Perry is trying to save his ass, but it ain't working. NOLA looks like ANGOLA and that ain't flying.

Say 9/11 changed everything now, motherfuckers. Ooops, 9/11, 9/11. 9/11. Doesn't work anymore? Gee, maybe the sea of alligator MRE's once known as the citizens of New Orleans has something to do with that. Now you can shut the fuck up about 9/11. Bush just proved what would happen with another 9/11. Dead Americans as far as the nose can smell.

Drunken Chris Hitchens muttered some nonsense about blacks having it so good here. The poor man needs to stay in his bottle or go to Betty Ford before someone beats his treasonous ass stupid. Islamofascism means what, now motherfucker? Shove Islamofascism up your well travelled ass. The most dangerous thing to average Americans is not some mullah in Iraq, not even Osama Bin Laden, but George Bush. If he doesn't get you killed in Iraq, he'll fuck up saving your city so it turns into Escape from New Orleans. Armed junkies roaming the streets, looking for a fix, robbing and looting like Serb paramilitaries and about as sober.

George Bush's ineptitude has killed far more Americans than Osama could have dreamed of.

Some of you still try to see the clothes on the Dauphin, but he's as naked as Peter North around Jenna Jameson. Bush fucked up so bad, FOX turned on him like a rabid dog.

You can't hide behind racism forever. Bush fucked up, Bush is a weak, callous leader and the world knows this like it knows few other things. And all the stolen TV's in the world cannot hide that.

2005-08-02T01:06:00.000Z

http://christianexodus.org/

2005-07-19T05:52:00.000Z

Ukrainian vampire drugged children and drank their blood

2005-07-18T03:06:00.000Z

this is the part where I say the f-work repeatedly. fuck, fuck, fuck, etc. it’s supposed to be the part where I rise above the circumstances of my imminent death, I have a moment of clarity, all the pieces fall together, I’m given a glimpse of the big plan, I feel ultimately connected to a greater power. But it’s not. fuck, etc.

2005-07-05T08:23:00.000Z

So my brother has started a web site here as well...and, like him, it is very lame indeed...

2005-04-28T18:40:00.000Z

I just got the strangest spam:

Call out Gouranga be happy!!!
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga ....
That which brings the highest happiness!!

It seems others have received this spam and wondered WTF already.

2005-04-23T10:08:00.000Z

A celebration of non-penetration.

2005-04-21T16:04:00.000Z

MissPoppy.com | - Unborn Baby Ornament - US Troop Model: "Protect our troops - from the womb to the war. What if the fetus you were going to abort would grow up to be a soldier bringing democracy to a godless dictatorship?"

2005-04-16T16:37:00.000Z

WholesomeWear home

2005-04-07T16:27:00.000Z

New York Post Online Edition: "Princeton University math whiz Michael Lohman had a creepy sexual secret, cops say.

"For three years, the married grad student quietly terrorized Asian women on campus by clipping snippets of their hair, spraying them with urine and pouring semen or urine in their drinks at university dining halls, cops say."

2005-04-01T21:24:00.001Z

Death Charged in Theft From Cemetery

2005-04-01T21:24:00.000Z

Yahoo! News - Thief Steals Poop From Woman Walking Dog: "The hunt is on for a turd burglar. Police in San Diego are searching for a gunman who swiped a bag of poop from a woman out walking her dog.

The woman told police that she was out walking her dog, Misty, on Monday night when a man in his 20s ran up behind her and grabbed the bag she was holding.

When the gunman discovered what was in it, he threw it down in disgust, pointed his gun at the 32-year-old woman and demanded money, San Diego police detective Gary Hassen said.

He then aimed his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty and pulled the trigger twice but the gun didn't fire, Hassen said."

2005-04-01T15:52:00.000Z

MadnessCombat.com

2005-03-10T04:10:00.000Z

Jarvis Products Corp Home

VIDEO. That's right. Demo vids. Love the "head dropper" in the "pork line" of products.

2005-03-10T04:07:00.000Z

Ananova - Five inch knife found in man's head

2005-03-08T07:52:00.000Z

We've all read about stupid sex laws. Well, here's a couple who decided to illustrate just how stupid most of them are.

2005-03-07T06:25:00.000Z

Nude Bible Study

2005-03-02T05:18:00.000Z

ABC News: Alaska Woman Charged in Genital Amputation: "A woman upset about an impending breakup with her boyfriend cut off the man's penis and flushed it down a toilet, police said."

2005-03-02T04:57:00.000Z

amcgltd: Only a Stupid Guy Would Think This Might Work: "A man who used an internet chatroom to try to set up a mass suicide on Valentine's Day had been trying for at least five years to persuade women to engage in sex acts with him and then kill themselves, it has been revealed."

2005-03-02T03:21:00.000Z

SPIDER-MAN"S GREATEST BIBLE STORIES!

2005-02-27T03:55:00.000Z

New Scientist Breaking News - Semen acts as an anti-depressant

2005-02-03T23:41:00.000Z

Yahoo! News - Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema: "HOUSTON (Reuters) - A Texas woman has been indicted for criminally negligent homicide for causing her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, a police detective said on Wednesday.

"Tammy Jean Warner, 42, gave Michael Warner two large bottles of sherry on May 21, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas, police detective Robert Turner in Lake Jackson, Texas, told the Houston Chronicle.

"'We're not talking about little bottles here,' Turner said. 'These were at least 1.5-liter bottles.'

"Warner, 58, was said to have an alcohol problem and received the wine enema because a throat ailment left him unable to drink the sherry, Turner told the newspaper.

"'I heard of this kind of thing in mortuary school in 1970, but this is the first time I've ever heard of someone actually doing it,' said Turner, who led the lengthy investigation in the case.

"The woman admitted administering the enema, but denied causing her husband's death, the Chronicle said."

2005-02-03T01:30:00.000Z

CNN.com - Massive cow manure mound burns for third month - Jan 31, 2005:

"Dickinson, who makes his living in the cattle business, has an environmental problem on his hands that is vexing state officials: a 2,000-ton pile of burning cow manure.

"Dickinson owns and manages Midwest Feeding Co. about 20 miles west of Lincoln, which takes in as many as 12,000 cows at a time from farmers and ranchers and fattens them for market.

"Byproducts from the massive operation resulted in a dung pile measuring 100 feet long, 30 feet high and 50 feet wide that began burning about two months ago and continues to smolder despite Herculean attempts to douse it."

2004-12-18T21:23:00.000Z

George W. Bush's Online Journal

2004-12-14T20:26:00.000Z

Hot, fresh monkey: It's a conspiracy, plain and simple

"Okay, how about a haiku?" you ask? Maybe one about my experiences taking a dump at work, then? Okay, here goes:

Ants in the bathroom
What is it they want in there?
Them ants is perverts

2004-12-13T07:48:00.000Z

Homemade Sex Toys - Sex Toy Shopping

2004-12-13T07:40:00.000Z

Bible Sex Stories: The untold story behind the Bible's sexiest tales

2004-12-13T07:37:00.000Z

MyPleasure.com - Analingus, Rimming and Oral-Anal Sex Explained!

2004-12-13T07:35:00.000Z

Don't Spit, Swallow

2004-12-13T07:32:00.000Z

Masturbation List: Over 1,000 Ways to Say Masturbate

2004-11-22T03:46:00.000Z

http://www.cookingwithcum.com/

2004-11-04T08:39:00.000Z

ACLU - Pizza

2004-09-16T17:28:00.000Z

Trojan Games

2004-09-13T05:12:00.000Z

five finger fillet

2004-09-08T03:12:00.000Z

Votergasm

2004-08-28T01:24:00.000Z

Chris Woods > Stations of the Cross > Exhibition Pieces

2004-08-28T00:18:00.000Z

2004-08-21T18:59:00.000Z

Date to Save - Missionary Dating Ministry Web Page

2004-08-16T18:42:00.000Z

awesome game

2004-08-13T16:30:00.000Z

George W. Bush Soundboard

2004-08-11T15:10:00.000Z

http://www.shellyinnocence.com/

2004-08-07T17:21:00.000Z

Ridge Raises Terror Level After Watching Cujo

Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge authorized the elevation of the terror alert level to "high" Monday morning after watching Cujo on NBC's Fright Nite Theater. "Mr. Ridge contacted the President at 4:05 AM and said he was 'pretty freaked out,'" confirmed White House spokesman Scott McClellan in a press conference yesterday. "He couldn't provide specifics about an impending attack, but asked that we go to code orange and send some secret service guys to his house to spend the night." Speaking with reporters earlier today, Ridge admitted to being "jumpy" after watching the edited-for-television version of Stephen King's 1983 thriller, but nonetheless defended his decision as "completely justified." He urged Americans to remain vigilant and be on the lookout for suspicious activities or St. Bernards.

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/000939.html

2004-08-06T01:48:00.000Z

LOW MORALE: CREEP. possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen in Flash. Also check out the other low morale movies and the stuff at monkeehub by deadtroll.

2004-08-04T16:01:00.000Z

AtomFilms - Babette's Feet

2004-08-01T18:35:00.000Z

Fensler GI Joe PSA remixes

2004-07-31T18:57:00.000Z

ah yes i see the new blogger thingie kinda sucks in 'compose' mode. at least it remembers your preference.

2004-07-31T18:56:00.000Z

Afghan proverbs:

A lame crab walks straight.

If you deal in camels, make the doors high.

Only stretch your foot to the length of your blanket.

2004-07-22T14:13:00.000Z

Yo, God! God Detectors

2004-07-20T08:54:00.000Z

Alien Abduction - Miniclip.com

2004-07-11T05:20:00.000Z

Removable gold teeth and gold caps - GoldTeeth.com

2004-07-10T16:45:00.000Z

2004-07-08T06:06:00.000Z

SOS: Students for an Orwellian Society

2004-07-07T06:06:00.000Z

2004-07-07T05:40:00.000Z

THE OFFICIAL CTHULHU MYTHOS FAQ - Part 1

2004-07-07T05:37:00.000Z

remix of arguments from Loving v. Virginia (a 1967 U.S. Supreme Court case that overturned an anti-interracial marriage law in Virginia) The real-life contemporary replay of the same arguments is readily apparent.

2004-07-07T05:36:00.000Z

Tex Williams and The Western Caravan - Smoke, Smoke, Smoke that Cigarette

2004-07-06T04:58:00.000Z

{fray} work - fireworks

2004-07-05T15:09:00.000Z

The New York Times > Business > Social Issues Tug Wal-Mart in Differing Directions The culture, to be sure, is powerful. Mr. Peterson, who initially found it a bit much, says it remains part of his life even though he no longer works at the company. "The very first time I did the Wal-Mart cheer, I felt a little foolish," he said. "But now, every so often, on a day when I am feeling blue, I stand up and say, 'Give me a W.' "

2004-07-01T22:01:00.000Z

The Way of the Master

this is rich.

make sure you click "no" to being a Christian...

2004-07-01T21:56:00.000Z

The Way of the Master

"If you are a Christian, please click 'yes.' If you are not a Christian, please click 'no.' There is an important part of the site I want you to see."

2004-07-01T08:59:00.000Z

Gay Agenda 2/18/04

2004-07-01T05:59:00.000Z

the phone

2004-06-27T03:44:00.000Z

Joi Ito's Web: Difficult choices for American youths

2004-06-24T19:33:00.000Z

Calgary Herald - canada.com network eh. so the guy's got some crazy fetishes. the real crime here in the eyes of the republicans is that the pretence was shed. can't be honest. nope. gotta have that pretense.

2004-06-24T16:15:00.000Z

Die Wagenschenke - Das Partyzelt am Albanifest in Winterthur.

The best game ever....

2004-06-23T03:51:00.000Z

THE TOFU HUT: FUCK and FUCK

2004-06-22T16:26:00.000Z

2004-06-22T16:22:00.000Z

Waiting for the Barbarians:

What are we waiting for, assembled in the forum?

The barbarians are to arrive today.

Why such inaction in the Senate?
Why do the Senators sit and pass no laws?

Because the barbarians are to arrive today.
What laws can the Senators pass any more?
When the barbarians come they will make the laws.

Why did our emperor wake up so early,
and sits at the greatest gate of the city,
on the throne, solemn, wearing the crown?

Because the barbarians are to arrive today.
And the emperor waits to receive
their chief. Indeed he has prepared
to give him a scroll. Therein he inscribed
many titles and names of honor.

Why have our two consuls and the praetors come out
today in their red, embroidered togas;
why do they wear amethyst-studded bracelets,
and rings with brilliant, glittering emeralds;
why are they carrying costly canes today,
wonderfully carved with silver and gold?

Because the barbarians are to arrive today,
and such things dazzle the barbarians.

Why don't the worthy orators come as always
to make their speeches, to have their say?

Because the barbarians are to arrive today;
and they get bored with eloquence and orations.

Why all of a sudden this unrest
and confusion. (How solemn the faces have become).
Why are the streets and squares clearing quickly,
and all return to their homes, so deep in thought?

Because night is here but the barbarians have not come.
And some people arrived from the borders,
and said that there are no longer any barbarians.

And now what shall become of us without any barbarians?
Those people were some kind of solution.

Constantine P. Cavafy (1904) "

2004-06-19T07:12:00.000Z

Minty MP3